31. Pits.

There are two watermelon sprouts growing out of a plastic cup on my kitchen windowsill, I rescued them from the compost heap I half-hazardly threw together last weekend following the planting of our new orange tree. I threw dog shit and an overly-ripened pineapple, mangoes deuse and a watermelon into a readymade ditch — dogs come in handy. I threw the remnant clay mud from our day-long dig on top of all this and took to it with my ax, I killed one mango pit, but this led me to realize the value of the one which was still intact. Eva said I should research composting — I respond with a maybe later, silently assuming that nature will do what it has always done. Despite the dog shit my heap smells like a pina-colada. I visit two days later and find about a hundred watermelon sprouts, I momentarily reconsider researching compost as I impulsively dig two sprouts out of the nutrient rich earth. There is minimal guilt as I chop and redistribute the decaying rinds amidst the struggling sprouts with the blade of my shovel. The two luckiest sprouts are growing tall and intertwining themselves in my kitchen, I sprinkle water upon them with my fingertips as I wash dishes and cook breakfast. I visited about 75 sprouts today; Darwin was correct. The mango pit germinates beneath dark soil in an old water cooler base recycled into a planter.

Time tells me that raccoon’s love pits.

 

9-21-2008


30. Host.

On father’s side, grandpapa traces lines
Generations beyond May’s flower.
The story is told to be similar for gram’s mum.
Mother’s side is in the process of doing the same: digging
European soil out of row upon row of American:
Grave.

The boy sleeps.

Mother had prepared a room
Walls of pulsing fresh salmon flesh
Stood prior to his arrival.

He stirs.

Walls glow; illuminate
By frosted light sourced
From the goldenrod
Window
Pains.
Air is temperate
Inside.

There is love in this light.

A mother wanders
Dismal, dank and dreary
Remains of the bludgeoning
Empire, between storms. All
Most
Every
Thing her eyes can find
Beyond their four walls: broken,
Sootstainedecay
Rotting into scented shades of muddied fecal browns, bloodrusted postmodern shaded greys.

A mother searches for something
They can eat, in the halls
Between the cracks
In walls
The vacuous expanse
Of voidance pulling her through

A house that is not her own.

And yet,
[t]his house
Houses their
[He]art in it.


29. Aphrodisia.

It would be a lie to say that her heart is made of pure loving light. In her making, her architect chose an oblong beaker of glass with a mercury mesh-work of veins inlaid in a crisscross pattern. The beaker, placed within the cedar lock-box of her steel-caged chest: is filled. Liquid Ice preserves and chills her clockwork of golden love coiling and tickling the brass of her sadness in ticks which tock the copper cogs and spin titanium gears of rage: the by-product of silver mind-screen’s inability: to forget. In its core there is the diamond mother of pearl of her momentum’s creation: catalyst–feeding upon her timeless soul as it too feeds her: with the knowledge that there is mostly love in there, though. And, this feeding is all so reciprocal.

There is very little trust, it is made of thin tin and swims like glitter in a tiny globe. And, for this she is too careful.


28. Socorro.

You look like ET, you know that scene where Elliot wakes up in the woods and can’t find you so I wrangle the posse to scour the hills, only to find you: naked, stiff and catalyst for crying.

Your throat is filled with red liquid, it has kissed the inner membranes of your nose and your limbs are Christ-like, withered, discolored and bruised: testament to your years of chemo, gout, and suffering. The rest of your body bloats as we surround you .

___________________________________________________________

Last Thursday: Socorro! Socorro! Socorro!
You wake screaming: Distress! in a tongue you rarely use anymore. Mom can hear a scuffle in the front room which is becoming your bedroom, she runs in expecting murder. Expecting to save you.

A giant coyote was eating you. In your dream. You kicked the wall from your bed to save yourself.

____________________________________________________________

Last Friday: We are certain you have broken your toe. The doctor’s only care about your heart, which is clogged. More meds. More pain. You want me with you. You want crucifixes. You carry an armoire downstairs to show that you still can. You skip meds. You wash your clothes by hand in the bathroom sink and pay your bills.

_____________________________________________________________

Your children take turns sleeping in your house because you refuse assisted living, these are rough days and you shouldn’t face them alone. You hand your great-grandchild money after visiting you. Suddenly you are the grandfather I wanted. Suddenly, the phone rings and mom is shaking and wailing and crying. Suddenly we are flying down the 405 to the last exit before Mexico: that mound of unamerican glitter, lacking grid. Facing a wall of stars that are lights, I hail Mary.

_____________________________________________________________

You are the sick ET now. The medics left your six-foot-two mass naked on false wood floor. You have a hand-washed sheet to keep you warm as your heat escapes you. I watch mom break and become my child. I have a hand on each of you but all I see is blood and bruise, and gaping lips. All I see is the ringing in my ears as I realize that you will never be here for me. All I see is the blinding love of a frozen girl: me losing control as my eyes find branding marks splashed across your beautiful chest from where they tried to revive you.

Pipes and stickers, a bag and some tubes. I can’t believe they left you on the floor. There is a laying of 40 or so hands because we are here for each other, and when we touch you we are all rivers of love. You are tie-dyeing your death-shroud with our blood. You are hanging over the gurney. The morticians can barely lift you. There is a hole in my heart where yours failed you.


27. Detachment.

Detachment makes things different from easy. It makes the most difficult things dreamy surreal.


26. Monologue of Platinum Mind.

The thing about dialogue is that you can’t ever erase what has been said. The impact which is forever within you–will taunt you. You will find yourself standing, alone: a living breathing testament to understanding: subject to the whimsy and guise of external perception. The outside world appreciating the half of what you truly are: the living breathing likeness of what your inner dialogue becomes.

_______________________________________________________

This world would build a wall between you and I so that I might simply draw a world between us, upon it: my monologue with my self: a portrait of this place in which you could never belong, visit, nor dwell. You would then proceed to call me rough for my useless reaction. Diamond-like–for my transgressional transparency as your X-ray eyes pierce your towering fortress–mirror-image inversions of perception taking in the prayers upon prayers upon eggshell canvas (this): my flimsy, weak assault upon your high judicial beck and call.

My fault in all matters could grant you your healthy attention to my speculative, indivisible flaws. All for being walled in, a natural. Plucked to be touched by the rough skilled hands of the jeweler that can cut me right.

Pimp my facet.

Falsify the true value of our profits.

Make of me the gem which you’ll threaten time and again with any silly thing: the rock tumbler, raw minerals: the source of all soiling pigments and tints. This diamond will remain, true. To partake of you and your war-paint making culture, I find my way. Adorning the high walls of court with frescoes from the deep statuesque state of memorial slumber you leave me in.  Yesterday. Tomorrow. Today.

To be precious ore not to be? That is the question.

I take my time and care with receptivity.


25. LoveRx.

From her side of the bed:

Eyes wide open in a penetrating stare. Teeth gnash. Nails scratch. Fight for flight. Chest tight. Stomach tense. Throat utterly constricted.

He is trying to kill me.

Nurse Rybody stood at the head of her bed.

The size of the feeding pipe, intimidating by anybodies standards–is held firmly in place by his right hand. Left arm bracing the roll bar just left of her gaping, motionless head. Her eyes are always open. The textbooks state that she can’t see or feel procedures. Comatose. Though, she can hear.

He speaks softly of this painless process, of her progress… he promises her: Recovery.

Rybody is comforted by his method. Comforted by his male strength which relieves the chance of mishaps or friction facing the female counterparts in his field. Rybody takes comfort in his textbook memorization which provides him endless supplies of self affirmation. He is a damned good nurse, and he will nurse her.

He transfers his left hand in to comb and grip the crown of her still-sleeping head. Tilts Minette in just the right angles. Pressing the pipe, gingerly, tracing it along her soft, pink, tractionless tunnel.

Both of their eyes open. Hers are extremely dark. He begins the meal with the slightest turn of a small radial dial.

Phantom fireworks sparkle retinally–as her small intestines drink in the equivalent of medical manna, for the very first time.


24. We Had a Fan Once.

He had two foaming heads and the body of a dog…

For that, we killed him.

He lies out back beneath the Birches, decaying leaves and homeless, aimless, dying, honey bees. A dystopian compost pile of our very own; growling louder than its serene, filtry spring-light-spackled appearance.


23. Fantasy.

Deep delusion. The idolatry of extremes,
and, perhaps, extremities.

I am innocent today.

Yes, today I am spotless. Stainless. Shameless. I am
above suspicion. Angelic. Chaste. Clean. Sinless. Crimeless. Faultless.
Good.
Immaculate. I am
impeccable, inculpable.
Ir-re-proach-able… Legitimate.
Licit.

Unimpeachable.

Infallible.

She must first beg for it, in order that it be good.
Don’t be a pig about it.


22. Rapture.

And you don’t stop, sure shot
Go out to the parking lot
And you get in your car and you drive real far
And you drive all night and then you see a light
And it comes right down and lands on the ground
And out comes a man from Mars
And you try to run but he’s got a gun
And he shoots you dead and he eats your head
And then you’re in the man from Mars
You go out at night, eatin’ cars
You eat Cadillacs, Lincolns too
Mercuries and Subarus
And you don’t stop, you keep on eatin’ cars
Then, when there’s no more cars
You go out at night and eat up bars where the people meet
Face to face, dance cheek to cheek
One to one, man to man
Dance toe to toe
Don’t move too slow, ’cause the man from Mars
Is through with cars, he’s eatin’ bars
Yeah, wall to wall, door to door, hall to hall
He’s gonna eat ‘em all
Rapture, be pure
Take a tour, through the sewer
Don’t strain your brain, paint a train
You’ll be singin’ in the rain
I said don’t stop, do punk rock

Well now you see what you wanna be
Just have your party on TV
‘Cause the man from Mars won’t eat up bars when the TV’s on
And now he’s gone back up to space
Where he won’t have a hassle with the human race
And you hip-hop, and you don’t stop
Just blast off, sure shot
‘Cause the man from Mars stopped eatin’ cars and eatin’ bars
And now he only eats guitars, get up!


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